“Feel the fear and do it anyway!”
― Susan Jeffers
As a young child, I harboured a few fears, the kind some might consider run of the mill; heights, the dark, spiders, the dentist, and confined spaces. And while it’s true that some fear is innate and rational, a normal response to perceived threats, and very helpful in certain situations (think Saber tooth tiger), many are learned, considered irrational, and not as helpful, causing significant stress and limiting possibility and adventure.
Having spent my childhood with parents who admonished me, calling my fears silly and suggesting that I “get over it”, I was determined to become ‘fearless’. So, I tried pretending, talking myself out of them, and avoiding all situations where they might show up.
Enter my adult years, and you guessed it, they aged right along with me, moving from house to house, dentist to dentist, changing slightly but never really leaving. I found new ways to hide them, avoided situations that might include them and discovered mild medications to alleviate them. But I still felt I had failed, I hadn’t overcome them, I wasn’t any closer to being fearless.
Now, I should add in here, that while I considered myself afraid, my fears were not debilitating and I have known friends for whom, their fears did alter their quality of life and limit their dreams. For me, I simply decided that I wouldn’t let them get in the way of what mattered most. And while I didn’t feel the need to jump out of a plane, I did feel the need to fly on one, so I did what I needed to do, to get onboard; I learned to meditate, took helpful medications, listened to calming music, tightened my seatbelt.
Enter my dear friend Dianne. Dianne is one of those friends whom I don’t see very often, but when I do it’s always magical and meaningful. And while I can’t remember the exact conversation that led us to her amazing recommendation, I do remember the results, and I am still living proof that they work. She introduced me to the book “feel the fear and do it anyway” by the late Susan Jeffers. I read it through twice and have never looked back. What resonated with me most was Susan’s sensible advice that we do not need to overcome our fears or defeat them, we simply need to manage them and learn to live with them, and do the thing we fear, anyway. That book, as they say, was a game changer. I took her ideas and strategies to heart, and now, many years later, I can honestly say that my fears now live in a much smaller house, they come to visit but they don’t overstay their welcome. I focus on the outcome or the adventure that I want and I consider my fear, just one of the things on my list, like packing lighter, organizing a post dentist lunch date, or owning a really good headlamp for those dark nights.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not rappelling into small caves, or climbing up to mountain view points, but I am doing more than I ever imagined or dared to consider, in the days when my fears held a more prominent place in my life. And since ‘fearless’ isn’t really a thing, it’s no longer a goal. I am choosing courage over comfort and while fear still has a seat on the plane, it’s way at the back and I can hardly tell it’s there.